


It's a public scandal the way I adore you

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 100 percent fluff, M/M, bucky finds the right dancing partner, post winter soldier, quietly living together pining in silence as one does, sometimes all they need is a little nudge in the right direction, stand alone fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 09:29:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4474127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The headline read 'James Barnes & Steve Rogers - longest lasting friendship or something more?'  Steve felt his cheeks burn slightly as he folded the paper and sat it back down on the table.</p><p> </p><p>"I don't see the problem," Bucky stated as he leaned back in his chair. Honestly it was a wonder they'd lasted this long with hardly any rumors. It was a public scandal the way he adored Steve - the proof was in every picture that tabloids and newspapers plastered on double spreads.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's a public scandal the way I adore you

"We're on the front page," Bucky muttered as he tossed the newspaper onto the coffee table.

In the darker days his face had been plastered on every newspaper and magazine that could get their greedy hands on a picture, under headlines such as **Villain or Misunderstood: Inside the Life of James Barnes** or **The Fall from Grace: How America's _O_ _ther_ Super Soldier Became a Monster** promptly followed by **America's Goldenboy Stands by Former War Buddy - Can They Be Trusted?**

Steve had tossed them as quickly as he could and tried to avoid any news channels in the early months when it wasn't unusual for Bucky to isolate himself for days, horrors replaying in his mind as he gripped his knife until his fingers ached. It had been two years since he'd moved in with Steve bringing only the shirt on his back and the knife he refused to part with. In between frequent panic attacks, migraines and flashes of light (a doctor...no, a _scientist_. shining light into his eyes until he saw spots) he had found his way or at least partially. If you'd told him two years ago that he would be sitting on an overstuffed couch in _their_ apartment while complaining about newspaper articles, he would've called you a liar. If you'd told him that he'd know his name, date of birth, mothers name and a few treasured memories that ebbed and flowed with time - he wouldn't have dared to put his trust in you. Not when the entire world was crashing down around him and it was all he could do to not succumb to the darkness - to not live the rest of his days on the run 'lest he hurt anyone else.

He wouldn't have believed it.

"Is that so?," Steve picked up the paper and unfolded it, took in the headlines. On the front page - a black and white photograph (a recent one at that) of himself and Bucky. They'd ventured into to a local used bookstore and lost half a day buried in books about art, cooking, poetry, the classics. In the picture they were standing outside of the building with arms full of paper bags, laughing as the books tumbled off of the top and to the ground below. The headline read **James Barnes & Steve Rogers - longest lasting friendship or something more? **Steve felt his cheeks burn slightly as he folded the paper and sat it back down on the table.

 "I don't see the problem," Bucky stated as he leaned back against the couch. Honestly it was a wonder they'd lasted this long with hardly any rumors. It was a public scandal the way he adored Steve - the proof was in every picture that tabloids and newspapers plastered on double spreads.

"They think we're sweethearts," Bucky chided. _If only._

Steve laughed and ran his hands over his face before deciding to make a break for the kitchen.

"Seems that way," he made a point to loudly scrape last nights dinner out into the trash can before dropping the dishes into hot sudsy water.

Bucky didn't say anything, choosing instead to stare into space as he so often did these days when he got lost in his head.

Steve wondered what year he was drifting back to - 1939? That was a good year. Bucky had found a better job and they'd had more food in the ice box, had finally scraped together enough by Christmas to buy one another a gift. Steve had went with a gold tie clip and had taken special care to have Bucky's initials engraved on the back and under them "Bucky". It hadn't been cheap but it had been worth it to see the wide grin on Bucky's face as he pulled him in for a tight hug. Bucky had bought him a months worth of art classes at a nearby school and he'd nearly cried. Yes, 1939 was a good year.

"If they knew what I know about you - how you've always been a ladies man, they wouldn't publish a word of that," Steve scrubbed at an invisible spot of food harder than necessary. Sure Bucky had changed and hadn't taken any interest in women lately but perhaps it was because he felt out of his league. Women in this decade were more forward and knew what they wanted and weren't always keen on flirting.

Bucky laughed dryly and shook his head to the side. If they were to live another 75 years he'd never understand Steve's ability to underestimate his importance; the pivotal role he'd always played in Bucky's life; the one true point in a world that seemed hellbent on losing them both to the folds of time.

"What's so funny?," Steve shot him a look as he picked up another (already spotless) sudsy bowl.

"You know...for Captain America you miss whats right in front of your nose," he smirked and threw a dish towel at Steve who dodged it before it hit the hardwood floor.

 "What exactly am I missing?," Steve kept his back to Bucky as he scrubbed.

Bucky had the advantage of the element of surprise over Steve who tended to drift off into his own head when he did the dishes. He walked up behind him, near silently and whispered in his ear.

"This." He wrapped a cold metallic arm around Steve's waist which caused the bowl he was holding to drop back into the water with a soft _plop._

"And this...," Bucky pressed his lips against Steve's neck as he pulled him in - _you've been away for far too long and I've wanted you all my life._

Steve didn't speak, couldn't speak. He'd dreamed of this moment since they were mere children in Brooklyn, twelve at most. He remembered the exact moment he realized he didn't want anyone else - how his stomach had twisted in jealousy when they'd moved in together and Bucky would drag him along for a double date but if he were honest with himself he'd admit that the signs were there. Bucky had spent more time smiling over his shoulder at Steve than he had with his date and that particular evening hadn't ended well for him.

He leaned his head back against Bucky's shoulder and closed his eyes. _I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming. Please don't make me wake up. If I wake up and hes still gone..._

"This," Bucky seemed to have read his thoughts as he grabbed his shoulders and spun him around until they were face to face.

Bucky was looking at him as if he were gold and pearls - something to be treasured and protected, to carry with pride. It nearly took his breath away.

Steve brushed the back of his hand against Bucky's face, traced his lips with his fingertips...lingered because if this moment was all Bucky could afford to give, he wanted to remember it.

"And _this._ You missed all of this," Bucky brushed his lips against Steve's - softly, tentatively as if he were waiting for Steve to push him away and tell him hes got it all wrong because they were never _that._

"Why don't you show me all the things I've missed?," he whispered as he threaded his fingers through Bucky's hair. He'd decided to keep it long and most days he tied it back into a ponytail but today it was his for the taking.

"Are you sure you want this?," Bucky tried to put distance between them but Steve held on tight.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life," he could feel his eyes filling slightly and he didn't care. 75 years was a long time to wait especially when there was the constant fear of Bucky waking up one day and not knowing who he was.

 Bucky intertwined a metal hand in Steve's and led him to the living room.

"What are we doing?," Steve questioned. Not that he would protest but he liked to know what was going on at least.

"Dancing. 'Think I've found my partner," Bucky grinned as they swayed.

"There's no music," Steve protested.

"Shhh," Bucky put his mouth against Steve's ear.

" _Do I want to be with you as the years come and go?_  
 _Only forever if you care to know_  
 _Would I grant all your wishes and be proud of the task_  
 _Only forever if someone should ask_ ,"  Bucky sang quietly and Steve felt like he should wake up any minute now to find that it was all nothing more than a dream.

" _How long would it take me to be near if you beckon?_  
 _Off hand I would figure less than a second_  
 _Do you think I'll remember how you looked when you smile?_  
 _Only forever that's puttin' it mild_ ", he continued as he pressed his cheek to Steve's.

Steve clung to him as if he were the last life-raft in a raging storm. _Bucky._ His touchstone, the only constant in his life.

He swallowed hard and said the words he'd been holding in for decades (sure there had been a casual 'you know I love you' in passing letters when Bucky had shipped out but somehow they'd felt more safe).

"I love you Bucky Barnes," he pressed his face into Bucky's neck and inhaled. If Bucky was a ghost then he could haunt him until the end of his days.

"I love you too punk," Bucky wrapped both arms around Steve's waist as they danced. Let the newspapers print what they may - they had nothing to hide and Steve, for one, was grateful. 

_Only forever, that's puttin' it mild._

**Author's Note:**

> Only Forever, Bing Crosby https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNCt6hkCUic
> 
> The title is from "An Ideal Husband" by Oscar Wilde.
> 
> A fluffy visual if you need one (not mine) http://ww4.sinaimg.cn/large/005LpLukgw1ek0u3h2iqej30go0frq5p.jpg


End file.
